Validation: A Simple Guide

When someone shares a difficulty, frustration, or emotional struggle with you, it’s natural to want to help. Often, our first instinct is to offer advice, encouragement, or comparisons from our own experiences. Here are some common responses to avoid:

1. Minimizing or Dismissing

Downplaying someone’s feelings can make them feel like their experience doesn’t matter:

• “It’s not a big deal.”

• “Everyone goes through that.”

2. Toxic Positivity

Overly cheerful or optimistic comments can unintentionally invalidate emotions:

• “Just think positive!”

• “It could be worse!”

3. Jumping to Solutions

Offering solutions before listening fully can make someone feel unheard:

• “You just need to [insert fix].”

• “Here’s what you should do…”

4. Making It About Yourself

Shifting the focus to your own experiences can minimize their feelings:

• “I know exactly how you feel, this one time I…”

5. Judging or Blaming

Implying fault or responsibility can increase stress or shame:

• “Well, maybe if you handled things differently…”

A Simple Rule: Validate

The most supportive response is often simply acknowledging the experience. You might say:

• “That must be so hard.”

• “Yes, that sucks!.”

Validation = Emotional regulation. Say it with me now, over and over again!

Regards, Brittany x